Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
These are compliments of mike
Another for the old farts theme
I went to the doctor complaining of water on the knee
He told me to aim straighter
Made me smile...
I'D LOVE TO BE EIGHT AGAIN
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her
Birthday. 'I'd love to be eight again' she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early and made her a bowl of Coco Pops and jammy toasties!
He took her to Surfers Paradise and put her on every ride in the park:
The Death Slide
The Wall of Fear
The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away they went to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milkshake.
Then it was off to the movies: the latest Kiddies three hour epic cartoon, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked 'Well dear, what was it like being eight again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression changed to one of total realisation... 'I meant my dress size, you f****ing idiot!!!'
The moral of this story: Even when a man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong
These are compliments of Mikey
HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS
Actual excerpts from hospital charts
(Parenthetical thoughts are mine.)
1. The patient refused autopsy. (Wouldn't you?)
2. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. (Could be a problem.)
3. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. (Really! Someone roll her over.)
4. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. (Check under her legging.)
5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly.
She also appears to be depressed. (Ya think?)
6. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. (How's that again?)
7. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
(Well, I'm glad we've got that timeline straight.)