Chapter 187

These are compliments of mike

Another for the old farts theme

I went to the doctor complaining of water on the knee

He told me to aim straighter

Made me smile...

I'D LOVE TO BE EIGHT AGAIN

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her

Birthday. 'I'd love to be eight again' she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early and made her a bowl of Coco Pops and jammy toasties!

He took her to Surfers Paradise and put her on every ride in the park:

The Death Slide

The Wall of Fear

The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away they went to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milkshake.

Then it was off to the movies: the latest Kiddies three hour epic cartoon, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and

M&Ms!

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked 'Well dear, what was it like being eight again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression changed to one of total realisation... 'I meant my dress size, you f****ing idiot!!!'

The moral of this story: Even when a man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong

These are compliments of Mikey

HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS

Actual excerpts from hospital charts

(Parenthetical thoughts are mine.)

1. The patient refused autopsy. (Wouldn't you?)

2. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. (Could be a problem.)

3. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. (Really! Someone roll her over.)

4. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. (Check under her legging.)

5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly.

She also appears to be depressed. (Ya think?)

6. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. (How's that again?)

7. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

(Well, I'm glad we've got that timeline straight.)

8. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (Rectal? Thyroid? OMG!)

9. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. (Huh?)

10. Skin: somewhat pale but present. (Could be very messy otherwise.)

11. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. (Couldn't we use a more comfortable surface? A table? A bed? Something?)

And a few more...

A quiz...

Q1. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? (wet)

Q2. What is the main reason for divorce?

(marriage)

Q3. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? (large hands)

Q4. River Ravi flows in which state? (liquid)

Q5. What can you never eat for breakfast? (lunch or dinner)

Q6. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

(I've never seen an elephant with a hand)

Q7. What looks like half an apple? (the other half)

Q8. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

(no time at all, it's already built)

Q9. How can a man go ten days without sleeping?

(No problem, you sleep at night)

Q10. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? (Any way you want, properly poured and reinforced concrete floors are very hard to crack.)

This one is compliments of kevin

How did the first Newfie get to Toronto?

They were playing ice hockey on the St. Lawrence and he got a breakaway.