Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
This is one compliments of John Z.
5 Year Old Son
He was staring sadly into his beer and sighed heavily.
"What's up Bob?" asked the bartender.
"It's not like you to be so down in the mouth."
"It's my five year old son..." the man replied.
"Don't tell me, he's in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad's just the same – forget about it; it happens to boys that age," said the bartender, sympathetically.
"I only wish it was that," continued the customer, "but it's far worse than that. The little devil has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door neighbor pregnant."
"Get away, that's impossible!" gasped the bartender.
"It's not," said the man. "The little bastard stuck a pin in all my condoms."
This one is compliments of Bob
Life's Demerit System
... In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY!
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a non-exhaustive guide to the point system:
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (-10)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-3)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Beer. (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)
It's her pet Schnauzer. (-30)
You stay by her side for the entire party. (+1)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend. (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer. (-20)
Tina has breast implants. (-40)
You take her out to dinner. (+2)