Jokes and Giggles
Chapter 153

Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt

This one is compliments of john...

Sign in Psychiatrist's waiting room: You don't need to be insane to see me, but it does help.

Sign in the local Optometrist's window: If you can read this sign we don't need to make an appointment.

What is the difference between a cop car and a pineapple?
On a pineapple the pricks are on the outside.

Mummy, mummy, where is daddy?
Shut up and keep filling in the hole.


This one is compliments of Dennis

MURPHY'S LAWS OF COMBAT

  1. You are not a superman

  2. If it's stupid, but works, it's not stupid.

  3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.

  4. When in doubt, empty your magazine.

  5. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

  6. Never share a foxhole with someone braver than you are.

  7. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

  8. No plan survives the first contact intact.

  9. All five second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.

  10. Try to look unimportant because the bad guys may be low on ammo.

  11. If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short.

  12. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.

  13. The important things are always simple.

  14. The simple things are always hard.

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  15. The easy way is always mined.

  16. If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat.

  17. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

  18. Incoming fire has the right of way.

  19. Friendly fire – isn't.

  20. If the enemy is in range, "'SO ARE YOU".

  21. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

  22. Beer math is: two beers times 37 men = 49 cases.

  23. Things that must be together to work, usually can't be shipped together.

  24. Radio's will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.

  25. Anything you do can get you shot – including doing nothing.

  26. Tracers work both ways.

  27. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

  28. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.

  29. When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right.

  30. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.

  31. Murphy was a grunt.


These are compliments of chuck

SHAMPOO IN THE SHOWER WARNING!

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