Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
A Great Comeback
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."
President Obama and Gordon Brown are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future.
They both decide to test it by asking a question each.
President Obama goes first:
"What will the USA be like in 100 years time"
The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out:
"The country is in good hands under the new president, crime is Non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries"
Gordon Brown thinks "It's not bad this time machine, I'll have a bit of that" so he asks:
"What will Britain be like in 100 years time?"
The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout.
But he just stares at it.
"Come on Gordon," says Obama, "Tell us what it says."
"I can't! It's all in Arabic!"
Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the "Limbo as if it were yesterday."
Bobby Darin --Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash
Herman's Hermits --Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker
Ringo Starr --I Get By With A Little Help From Depends
The Bee Gees --How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?
Roberta Flack--The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
Johnny Nash --I Can't See Clearly Now.
Paul Simon-- Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver
The Commodores --Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom
Procol Harem-- A Whiter Shade Of Hair
Leo Sayer --You Make Me Feel Like Napping
The Temptations --Papa's Got A Kidney Stone
Tony Orlando -- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling, If You Hear Me Fall
Helen Reddy --I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore