Chapter 143

A Great Comeback

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."

President Obama and Gordon Brown are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future.

They both decide to test it by asking a question each.

President Obama goes first:

"What will the USA be like in 100 years time"

The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out:

"The country is in good hands under the new president, crime is Non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries"

Gordon Brown thinks "It's not bad this time machine, I'll have a bit of that" so he asks:

"What will Britain be like in 100 years time?"

The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout.

But he just stares at it.

"Come on Gordon," says Obama, "Tell us what it says."

"I can't! It's all in Arabic!"

Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the "Limbo as if it were yesterday."

They include:

Bobby Darin --Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash

Herman's Hermits --Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker

Ringo Starr --I Get By With A Little Help From Depends

The Bee Gees --How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?

Roberta Flack--The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

Johnny Nash --I Can't See Clearly Now.

Paul Simon-- Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver

The Commodores --Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom

Procol Harem-- A Whiter Shade Of Hair

Leo Sayer --You Make Me Feel Like Napping

The Temptations --Papa's Got A Kidney Stone

Abba--Denture Queen

Tony Orlando -- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling, If You Hear Me Fall

Helen Reddy --I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore

Leslie Gore--It's My Procedure, And I'll Cry If I Want To

And Last but NOT least...

Willie Nelson --On the Commode Again

This one is compliments of ewlon

3 Nuns are at the Pearly Gates, a Mother Superior, an Older Sister, and a Young Noviate who hasn't even said her vows yet.

St Peter says, "We're really glad you are here as we have lots of important work to do, but first you have to answer one last question before you can come in."

The Noviate is deeply worried that she won't be able to answer her question.

St Peter says to the Mother Superior, "Mother, your question is, 'Who Was The First Man?'" She immediately answers, "It was Adam." And the Angels sang, and the Trumpets blared and the gates opened so she could enter.

St Peter turns and says to the Older Nun, "Sister, your question is, 'Who was the First Woman?'". She immediately answers, "It was Eve." And the Angels sang, and the Trumpets blared and the gates opened so she could enter.

Now the Noviate is really worried, as obviously the Mother Superior and the Older Sister got the easy questions because they had more experience, and she would get a question she could not answer.

St Peter turns to her and says, "Now your question is, 'What Was the First Thing Eve Said to Adam?'" The Noviate looked down with a wrinkled brow, and said with her hand beside her cheek, "Oh dear, that's a hard one...", And the Angels sang, and the Trumpets blared and the gates opened...