Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Nine Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older:
- Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
- Life is sexually transmitted.
- Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
- Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart.
If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
- Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
- Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
... and as someone recently said to me:
Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long.
This one is compliments of Bob
Test for Dementia Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.
If you overtake the last person, then you are... ?
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another
1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10.