Chapter 997

This came from a Canadian Soldier’s wife. It says it all.

I sat, as did millions of other Canadians and watched as the government underwent a peaceful transition of power On November 4, 2015.

At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism while Justin Trudeau took his Oath of Office.

However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched 21 Soldiers, in full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to the Prime Minister.

It was then that I realized how far Canada’s military had deteriorated.

Every one of them missed the bastard.

Perks of being over 60 And heading towards 70 or beyond!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run - anywhere.
04. People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask, ‘Did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
08. You can eat dinner at 4 PM.
09 ... You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
19. You can’t remember who sent you this list.

A Seniors Dilemma

I went to the liquor store Tuesday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Rum before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.

A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin, and truth be told, he, who is a waiter, is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her new husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring, ‘My darring,’ he whispers, ‘I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting ... just anyting you want. You juss ass me. Whatchu want?’ he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her. A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her response and request. She shyly whispers back, ‘I want to try someting I hear about from odda girls ... Numbaa 69.’

More thoughtful silence from him this time.

Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her... ‘You want “garic chicken wif snow peas”?’

THE YEAR IS 1917 The year is 1917 “One hundred years ago.” What a difference a century makes! Here are some statistics for the Year 1917:

The average life expectancy for men was 47 years.
Fuel for cars was sold in drug stores only.
Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
The average US wage in 1910 was 22 cents per hour.
The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year.
A dentist $2,500 per year.
A veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year.
And, a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births took place at home
Ninety percent of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as “substandard.”
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month,
And, used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason. The Five leading causes of death were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke