Chapter 996

These are some of the worst Jokes in the World:

Caution: the last one isn’t for the faint hearted...

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed.

To the first mother, (from Ontario) Mary, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”

He turned to the second Mom, (from Manitoba) Ann: “Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce (from BC): “Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.”

At this point, the fourth mother, (from Newfoundland) Carol, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, “Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Let’s pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.”

The following are compliments of Allan...

The following are really bad ... Really stinkers ... Yuke...

If you expect Good Humor, get some ice cream in NYC...

If a poison is past its expiry date, does that mean that it’s now more poisonous, or less?

All doctors are witch doctors. You never hear of a poor doctor, do you?

What do you call pigs on bicycles? Road Hogs...

What kind of creature would marry a Gargoyle? A Garboy...

They had rock music thousands of years ago. That’s why it’s called the Stone Age...

An anthropologist heard of a tribe in the center of New Guinea who followed the English legal tradition, so he went to investigate. After a trek of a month he finally reached the tribe. He conversed with the chief, and asked how it happened that they followed English law. The chief explained that once a month a plane flew over the village and dropped a load of London Times, and they followed what was written in the newspaper. In fact, the chief said, there’s court the following day, and would the anthropologist like to watch? Of course he agreed. The following day, was court. The judge sat upon a dais in his loincloth wearing a white wig. The twelve jurors sat in the jurybox in their loincloths as well. Indeed, all the cases were following English law, but one thing perplexed the anthropologist. Periodically, a man covered in scarves would walk around and feel the breasts of all the women there. When the day was over, the chief asked the anthropologist if they were following English law exactly. The anthropologist replied that they did, but couldn’t understand about the man in the scarves. The Chief said, “Well we don’t understand it either, but it’s clearly part of English law.”

“What?” exploded the anthropologist? “Where did you get that?”

The chief pulled out the London Times and showed him what was written... “From time to time, a muffled titter passed through the courtroom”.

Medical Definitions: Benign ... What you be after you be eight. Artery ... The study of paintings. Bacteria ... Back door to cafeteria. Barium ... What doctors do when patients die. Cesarean Section ... A neighborhood in Rome. Catscan ... Searching for kitty. Cauterize ... Made eye contact with her. Colic ... A sheep dog. Coma ... A punctuation mark. D & C ... Where Washington is. Dilate ... To live long. Enema ... Not a friend. Fester ... Quicker than someone else. Fibula ... A small lie. Genital ... Non-Jewish person. G.I. Series ... World Series of military baseball. Hangnail ... What you hang your coat on. Impotent ... Distinguished, well known. Labor Pain ... Getting hurt at work. Medical Staff ... A Doctor’s cane. Morbid ... A higher offer than I bid. Nitrates ... Cheaper than day rates. Node ... Was aware of Outpatient ... A person who has fainted. Pap Smear ... A fatherhood test. Pelvis ... Second cousin to Elvis. Post Operative ... A letter carrier. Recovery Room ... Place to do upholstery. Rectum ... Darn near killed him. Secretion ... Hiding something. Seizure ... Roman emperor. Tablet ... A small table. Terminal Illness ... Getting sick at the Bus Station Tumor ... More than one. Urine ... Opposite of you’re out. Varicose ... Near by/close by. Vein ... Conceited.