Chapter 995

A Love Story...
I will seek and find you.
I shall take you to bed, and have my way with you.
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved
when I’m finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.
All my love,
signed: The Flu
Now, stop thinking about sex, and go get your flu shot!
----

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft!

A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees!

The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone!

He yelled, “Mayday, mayday! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack! I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory! I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph! Mayday, mayday!”

The employee in the tower immediately put him on speaker phone!

“Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions! The first thing is not to panic! Remain calm!”

He began his series of questions:

Tower:”How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?”

Aircraft:”I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the altimeter dial in front of me!”

Tower:”Okay, that’s good, remain calm! How do you know you’re traveling at 180 mph?”

Aircraft:”I can see that it reads 180 mph on the airspeed dial in front of me!”

Tower: “Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast! So how do you know you’re flying upside down?” Aircraft: “The peein my pants is running out of my shirt collar!!”

Two old guys talking.
One said to the other:
“My 69th birthday yesterday.
Wife gave me an SUV”.
Other guy:
“Wow, that’s amazing!
Imagine, an SUV!
What a great gift!”
First guy:
“Yup.
Socks,
Underwear
and
Viagra!”
----

The Immigration debate has created a flurry of activity in local and national media and we hear many stories that break your heart. One such story is below Immigration News:

Latinos say they are worried by the crackdown on immigration. In an attempt to seek some relief from this terrible situation, one Latino man posted this note on the White House website : “I’m terrified that Trump is going to deport my Latina mother-in-law who is here illegally and lives at 1801 3rd Street Los Angeles 90023 - blue house on the corner, she gets home from work about 6:00pm.”

Nineteen Newfoundlanders go to the cinema. The ticket lady asks, “Why so many of you?” John replies, “The film said 18 or over.”

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70. Forget it, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an A.T.M. yesterday. A little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Statistically, six out of seven dwarfs are not Happy.

The wife was counting all the nickels and dimes out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, “She’s going through the change.”

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

An East Indian fellow has moved in next door. He has traveled the world, has swum with sharks, has wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountains. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.