Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 991
These are compliments of Allan
BURIAL PLANS
A man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”
Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 98. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, “Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?”
(HERE IT COMES!!!)
The wife said, “Let him dig. I had him buried upside down ... and I know he won’t ask for directions.”
A radioactive cat has 18 half-lives.
A lonely frog goes to a psychic to find out about his future. The psychic tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog is thrilled and says, “This is great! Where will I meet her? At work, at a party?”
“No,” says the psychic, “in a biology class.”
Two chemists, a brunette and a blonde, walk into a bar.
The brunette says, “I’ll have some H2O.”
The blonde says, “I’ll have some H2O, too.”
The blonde died.
There’s a new kind of coffee that acts as a strong laxative.
It’s called G.I. Joe
How do two cats make love?
The male cat goes to the female cat and says ‘naaaoooouuuw’.
And the female cat responds by saying, ‘not naaaoooouuuw’.
If you rob a bank in a sanctuary city, is it “illegal”, or just an “undocumented withdrawal”?
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and ET?
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