Chapter 985

Compliments of A. von W.

How does a women get a mink coat?

The same way mink gets a mink.

A woman goes to the gynecologist with a terrible case of crotch rot. The doctor takes one whiff & almost passes out. “My dear,” says the Doc, “this is serious! What you need is Mega Douche!” “Mega Douche?” says the woman, “What’s that?” “It’s my own formula! It contains marijuana, talcum powder & Kentucky fried chicken.” “Why marijuana, talcum powder & fried chicken?” “Because you wanna keep that thing high & dry & finger lickin good!”

Three men were sitting on a beach; a fairly good-looking blonde walks by. The first man says, “I give her a six”; the second, “I give her a 7”; the third says, “She is a 1.” The other two look at him and wonder. Another woman walks by. The first man says, “She is an 8”; the second says, “I give her an 8+”; the third says, “She is a three.” Again the first two men wonder about him. Then an extremely fine-looking redhead approaches. The first man says, “She is a 10!” The second man says, “She is an 11!!” The third guy says, “She is a six.” The other two finally look at him and say, “What is the matter with you, man?? That redhead is perfect!! Are you weird or something??”

“Wait a minute--you don’t understand; I use the Budweiser scale.”

“What the hell is that?”

“That’s how many clydesdales it would take to pull her off my face.”

How A Pussy Was Made

Seven Wise Men made up their minds
to build then a Pussy of their own Design.

The First was a Carpenter, full of wit,
with a Hammer and Chisel, He made the Slit.

The Second, a Blacksmith, black as coal,
with an Anvil and Sledge, He made the Hole.

The Third, a Rich Tailor, tall and thin,
with a peice of Red Ribbon, He lined it within.

The Fourth, a Furrier, big and stout,
with the Skin of a Bear, He lined it without.

The Fifth, a Fisherman, old and bent,
with a Rotten Herring, He gave it a Scent.

The Sixth, a Preacher, with a B.A. degree,
Patted it, and Felt it, and said it would Pee.

The Seventh, a Rabbi, a Mean Little Runt,
Blessed it, and Fcked it, and called it a Cnt.

This young rich man was looking for a wife, and had narrowed his choices down to 3 women. He couldn’t make up his mind on which one he should marry, so he tested them. He gave each women $5,000 to see what they would spend it on. The first woman went out, bought furs and jewels, and blew all the money on herself. The second woman put half of it in the bank, and spent the rest of it on herself. The third woman bought herself a dress, and many, many gifts for the young man.

Given these facts, which woman do you think the young man married? answer: The woman with the biggest tits, of course!

Chemical Analysis

Element : Woman
Symbol : WO
Discoverer : Adam
Quantitative Analysis: Accepted at 36-28-36, though isotopes ranging from

25-10-20 to 60-55-60 have been identified
Occurance: Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic singlet state. Surplus quantities in all urban areas Physical Properties: Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at absolutely nothing, and freezes at a moments notice. Totally unpredictable. Melts when properly treated, very bitter if not well used. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore. Non-magnetic but attracted by coins & sports cars. In its natural shape the specimen varys considerably, but it is often changed artificially so well that the change is indiscernable except to the experienced eye. Chemical Properties: Has a great affinity for AU, AG, & C, especially in the crystalline form. May give violent reaction if left alone. Will absorb great amounts of food matter. Highly desired reaction is initiated with various reagents such as C(2)-H(5)-OH & sexy aftershave. An essential catalyst is often required (must say that you love her at least 5 times daily). Reaction accelerates out of control when in dark & all reaction conditions are suitable.