Chapter 970

This is compliments of Pepere

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.”

No one moved. The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”

Again, all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke,

“Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said that you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you are a wizard under the sheets.”

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

These are compliments of Richard W.

Moses, Jesus and an old man go golfing.

Moses tees off and hits the ball directly towards the water hazard that is next to the green. Just as it’s about to roll into the water, the water parts and allows the ball to roll through it and up onto the green. it stops just short of the hole.

Jesus looks at Moses and says. “Nice shot Moses.”

Moses replies. “Thank you Jesus.”

Now Jesus tees off. He also hits the ball straight at the same water hazard. This time the ball skips and then rolls across the top of the water, to end up just short of the hole.

Moses says. “Nice shot Jesus.”

Jesus replies. “Thank you Moses.”

Now the old man tees off. He hits the ball high into the air, that lands in the middle to the water hazard and sinks to the bottom. A fish swims over and picks up the ball into its mouth and swims to the surface. An eagle swoops down from out of nowhere and snatches the fish out of the water. As the eagle flies over the green the fish opens its mouth dropping the ball into the cup for a hole in one.

Jesus looks over at the old man and says. “Dad, you’re such a show off.”

Joke #2: Lottery.

There is this family that is in deep financial trouble. The parents have lost their jobs. The wife and daughter need surgery after the car accident that totaled their only car. The son needs dental work and new glasses. They are about to be evicted from their home.

I mean this family could use some money.

So one night the father prays to God. “Lord, you know we are hurting financially. If you could, please let me win the lottery. You know I’ll put it to good use, and any leftover I will give to the church and other charities”.

Every night the father says the same prayer.

After three weeks of not winning, the man angrily yells to God. “Lord, why haven’t you let me win the lottery? You know I’ll use it wisely, and put the money to good use. So please Lord, let me win the lottery.”

The Lord answers back. “Help me out and buy a ticket!”