Chapter 966

Money Alert

Please, I repeat, please, DO NOT use the $1, $20, $50 or the $100 bills as they have pictures of former slave owners on them! Send them all to me and I will dispose of in the proper manner!!! Do not just throw them away as they need to be disposed of properly and I am certified to do so. E-mail me for a discreet method of transfer.

Thank you for your patriotism.

Compliments of Allan B

How Government Works

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

The government said, “Someone may steal from it at night.” So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then the government said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?” So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then the government said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?” So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then the government said, “How are these people going to get paid?” So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then the government said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then the government said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost.” So they laid off the night watchman.

Very Lost

An American and his wife were driving in Canada and got lost. Finally they came into some city. They saw a gentleman on the sidewalk, so the gentleman pulled up to the curb, and the lady let down her window and asked, “Excuse me, sir. Where are we?”

The gentleman on the street replied, “Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.”

The lady rolled up the window, turned to her husband and said, “We really are lost. They don’t even speak English here!”

A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.

“How are we faring?” asks the king.

“Sire,” replies the knight, “I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west.”

“What?!” shrieks the king. “I don’t have any enemies to the west!”

“Oh,” says the knight. “Well, you do now.”

Why did ISIS blow up a KFC?

Because they thought they were attacking an American Colonel.

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn’t considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, “I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.”

The other driver leaned out of his window. “I hate to tell you, lady,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!”

Clearing the Church The 2000 member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.

The one in the middle announced, “EVERYONE WILLING TO TAKE A BULLET FOR JESUS STAY IN YOUR SEAT!”

Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.

After a few moments, there were about 20 people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.

The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, “All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service.”

A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

And then finally, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.” Sermon complete, he then sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: ‘Shall We Gather at the River’.”