Chapter 962

These are compliments of smokeyjoe from the land down under:

A missionary is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing and Christianity.

One day the wife of the tribe’s chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the missionary aside and says, “Look here! You’re the only white man we’ve ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened!”

The missionary replied, “No, Chief. You’re mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion.”

The chief was silent for a moment, and then said, “Tell you what. You no tell, me no tell.”

Billy was on holiday in America and didn’t speak very good English. It was his last day and he was heading to the airport to fly home, but first he needed to buy a few things.

He ends up going to the store and asking the clerk for some “BUM”. She sits there and thinks for awhile and then says, “Oh you must mean gum.”

Then he goes to the fish store and asked if he could get some “FUCK IT”. The fish man thinks and says, “Oh I get it, you must mean Bucket (bucket of fish)”

Billy shakes his head as YES.

Then he makes a trip to the pet store and says, “Could I get a cock and spank it?” The pet store owner says “Oh you must mean Cocker Spaniel.”

Billy shakes his head YES.

He finally makes it to the airport where he will be catching his flight.

When he gets there he asked this guy...

“Could you hold my bum and fuck it while I get my cock and spank it”

A cat is walking along the river, when it sees a cocktail sausage floating in the water.

It jumps in to get the sausage and gets its paws wet.

The next day its walking down the river again when it sees a jumbo sausage in the river, it jumps in to get it and gets its legs wet.

The next day it walks down the river and sees a huge Cumberland sausage.

It jumps in to get it and its whole body gets what.

What’s the moral of the story?

The bigger the sausage, the wetter the pussy!!!

The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.

He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.

The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.

At Mass, he asked the congregation, has anyone got a cock? To which all the men stood up.

“No, no,” he said, somewhat flustered, “that’s not what I meant. “Has anybody SEEN a cock?” All the women stood up.

“No, no,” he said. “That’s not what I meant either. Has anyone seen a cock that doesn’t belong to them.” Half the women stood up.

“No, no,” He said, now thoroughly embarrassed “Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody here seen MY cock?” All the choirboys stood up.