Chapter 961

Paratrooper Training:

She went through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take her first jump from a plane.

The next day she called home to tell her mother the news.

“So, did you jump?” asked the mother.

“Well let me tell you what happened,” the girl said.

“We got up in the plane and the sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen people got up and just walked out of the plane.”

“Is that when you jumped?” asked her mother.

“Uh, no. The sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door.”

“Did you jump then?” asked her mother.

“I’m getting to that. Everyone else had jumped, and I was the last one left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to get off the plane or he’d kick my butt.”

“So, did you jump?”

“No. He tried to push me out of the plane but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally, he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy about six-foot six, and 280 pounds. He said to me, ‘Are you gonna jump or not?’ I said, ‘No sir, I’m too scared.’ So, the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took out his Johnson. I swear, Mom, it was about ten inches long and big around as a baseball bat! He said, ‘Either you jump out that door or I’m sticking this bad boy right up your ass.’”

“So, did you jump?” asked her mother.

“A little at first.”

Today is my baby girl’s 18th birthday. I be so glad that this be my last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all those payments!

So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, and when she get there, I say: “Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to yo momma house and tell her this be the last check she ever be gettin’ from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the ‘spression on yo mama’s face.” So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma.

I be anxious to hear what she say, and ‘bout the ‘spression on her face.

Baby girl came back and walk through the door, I say, “Now what yo momma say ‘bout that?”

She say to tell you that “you ain’t my daddy” ... and watch the ‘spression on yo face.

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:

“Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.”

The priest replied: “That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.”

“There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.”

The priest said, “That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.”

“Thank you, Father. That is a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.”

“And what is that?” asked the priest.

“Should I tell her the war is over?”