Chapter 958

This group is compliments of Pete C.

A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms.

She said,... “It depends ... What’s in it for me?”

A young man buys a new pair of boots of which he is very proud. He decides to go dancing and give them a try.

After dancing with one lady for a few minutes he says

“I bet you I can guess the color of your panties.”

“O.K.”, she replies, “what color do you think they are?”

“Blue”, he says.

“How did you know that?” she asks.

“I saw the reflection in my shiny new boots”, he says.

“Here” she says “dance with my sister and find out what color she has on”.

After dancing a while the young man stops to rub the toes of his shiny new boots on his pant cuffs and starts to dance again. After a few minutes he ask the sister

“what color panties do you have on? I can’t seem to make them out.”

To which she replies,

“I don’t have any panties on.”

“Oh good,” the guy says “for a minute I thought I had a crack in my new boots.”

A good ole boy walks up to a good ole girl and says “Howdy. How’d you like to come up to my place and have a little fun?”

“Well, I’ve heard about you good ole boys. Where exactly are you from?”

“I’m from Kentucky, way up in the hills.”

“Oh, I’ve heard about you guys from Kentucky,” she said, “you guys will screw pigs and goats and cows and chickens...”

He interrupts in a very indignant tone, “CHICKENS?!”

Save A Tree!!!

(Eat a beaver!)

A big-rig operator stopped to pick up a female hitchhiker wearing REALLY short shorts.

“Say, What’s your name, mister?” she inquired, after she climbed up in the truck.

“It’s Snow----Roy Snow,” he answered, “and what’s yours?”

“Me, I’m June----June Hansen,” she said.

After a short while she asked, “Hey, why do you keep sizing me up with those sidelong glances?”

“Can you imagine what it might be like,” he countered, ... having eight inches of Snow in June?”

The farmer and his wife had worked hard, they scrimped and saved to send their son to college. As soon as he had enrolled, he started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large mustache and sideburns. Being pleased with his new hirsute adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it off to his parents.

On the back of the photo he scrawled, “How do you like it? Don’t I look like a count?”

Shortly after, the son received this terse note:

“You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college, and you can’t even spell!”

A trucker was driving his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill. Just as he was starting down the equally steep other side, he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center of the road, making wild and passionate love. In total disbelief, he blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. He realized that they were not going to stop or get out of his way, so he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.

Furious, he got out of the cab and walked to the front of the truck. He looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled, “What the hell’s the matter with you two? Didn’t you hear me blowing the horn? You could have been killed!”

Eventually, the man looked up at the truck driver, obviously satisfied and not too concerned and said, “Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes...”

A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they go on to a show. The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her door he says “I have had a lovely time. You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful rambling rose. May I call on you tomorrow”

She agrees and a date is made.

The next night he knocks on her door and when she opens it she slaps him hard across the face.