Chapter 957

Say thank you to Dorsetmike for this one:

A Story of True Love!!

Dear Wife Im writing u this letter 2 tell u that Im leaving u 4ever. I’ve been a good man 2u for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell ... Your boss called 2tell me that u quit your job 2day & that was the last straw. Last week, u came home & didnt even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked ur favourite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2minutes, & went straight 2sleep after watching all of your soaps. U don’t tell me u love me anymore u don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either u are cheating on me or u dont love me anymore whatever the case, Im gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. I watch my soaps because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when u got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came 2 mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if u can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when u cooked my favourite meal, u must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers I turned away from u because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed £50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved u & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for £10 million I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home u were gone ... Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope u have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter u wrote ensures u won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told u this, but my sister Carla was born Carl I hope its not a problem!

Ms S

An Oldie from BobbyMike:

Very Old Joke from my Mechanical Engineering Wife:

What is the difference between a Dusky Lady-of-the-Evening and an Electrical Engineer??

Ans.: HER Black Box WORKS!

These are compliments of Unclepodger

A sixteen-year-old came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, “Where did you get that car?”

He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”

“With what money!?” demanded his parents. “We know what a Porsche costs.”

“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”

The parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?” they asked.

“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. “I don’t know her name, she just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”

“Oh my goodness!” moaned the mother, “she must be insane. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.”

So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting flowers.

He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

“Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he had run off to Hawaii with his secretary. Then apparently she stole all his money and credit cards, and stranded him there! Well he called me, without a dollar to his name, and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money.”

“So that’s exactly what I did.”

And now you know the rest of the story...

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice

Then from the heavens a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.

The voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

The very scared blonde raised her head and said, “Is that you, Lord?”

The voice answered, “NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.”