Chapter 95

The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, ' not 'fascinating.'"

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate'."

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!"

The teacher sat down and cried.

This one is compliments of Paul

One day Paddy goes into a pharmacy, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.

He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist, and says "Could you taste this for me, please?"

The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.

"Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.

"No, not at all," says the chemist.

"Oh that's a relief," says Paddy. "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."

This one is compliments of Igor

Mary had a little sheep
With the sheep she did sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
Mary had a little lamb

This one is compliments of Dennis

Three teenaged boys are walking down a dirt country road when they come across a sow pig caught in a split-rail fence, rear end towards the road.

The first boy looks at the pig and says "I wish that was Miley Cyrus".

The second boy looks at the pig and says "I wish that was Taylor Swift".

The third boy thought for a moment, looked around and said "I wish it was dark".