Chapter 948

This one is from Dorset Mike

A farmer in Gods great county of Devon sees a bloke drinking from his stream & shouts,

“Ere bey! Ya dun wanna be drinkin out that there water, ‘tiz full of cow muck and slurry off me fields”

The bloke says “I’m from London my good man and just purchased a property in the village can you speak bit slower please”.

The Farmer replies “If - you -use - two - hands - you - won’t - spill - any”!!!!!

This one is compliments of gsears4now

A fella got lost in Frisco. He didn’t know it but he’d wandered into a gay bar, thirsty as hell. He sat down at the bar, saying “I need a long, tall cold one.” The bartender was a pre-op trans. “Sorry, honey. To get a drink in here you need a pet name.”

What the hell?

“What kind of pet name?” The bartender motioned over a lutino guy wearing a heavy coat of makeup. “I’m Timex. I take a lickin’ and keep on tickin!” The poor fellow was dismayed. The bartender motioned over a pretty blonde cross-dresser trying for the Marilyn Monroe thing. “hi, honey. I’m KFC ‘cause I’m finger-lickin’ good!”

He groaned with his head in his arms. He was thirsty as hell, but it looked like he didn’t have a hope in hell of getting a brew. Feverishly his mind went over all the commercials and song lines he could remember. He grinned and perked up, motioning over the bartender.

“Well, honey, whatcha got?”

“I’m secret. Strong enough for a man but made for a woman.”

He finally got his beer.

This important news is compliments of A. von W

Masturbation terms (female)

Is the word MASTURBATE too inappropriate for you?

The masturbation terms I found on the net for women masturbating are:

1. Brushing the beaver
2. Doing my nails
3. Doing the Two Finger Slot Rumba
4. Finger blasting
5. Flicking the bean
6. Going Mining
7. Jocelyn Eldering
8. Makin’ waves for the man in the boat
9. Making soup
10. Nulling the void
11. Paddling the pink canoe
12. Parting the red sea
13. Playing the beaver
14. Playing The Silent Trombone
15. Poking Off
16. Rolling the dough
17. Strumming the banjo
18. Surfin’ the channel
19. The two fingered tango
20. Tickling the taco
21. Toggling the bit.

Looks like about ten to one more male terms than female. Sexist indeed. Have fun!

This is compliments of mihickman

Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small Beretta Pistol:

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What’s the smallest calibre that you would trust to protect yourself?

Here’s her story in her own words:

“While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages, with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.

If I had not had my little Beretta .25 calibre pistol with me, I would not be here today!” “Just one shot to my estranged husband’s knee cap was all it took. The ‘gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It’s one of the best pistols in my collection, plus the amount I saved in lawyer’s fees was really incredible. His life insurance was a big bonus.”