Chapter 944

These are compliments of Rick M.

A Texan rancher was driving thru the Nebraska countryside when he stopped by a cornfield to talk to a farmer.

During the conversation the farmer mentioned that he had a thousand acres of land.

The Texan, seeing an opportunity to brag about his ranch, said, “When I get up in the morning, I can hop into my pick-up and drive all day and by sunset, still not be half way across my ranch.”

The farmer leaned over and consoled the Texan saying, “I use to have a pick-up like that too.”

I wish I was 6 Again

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her Birthday.

“I’d like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head wa s reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s.

What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, “Well Dear, what was it like being six again?”

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

“I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!”

A blonde gets a dent in her car and takes it to the repair shop.

The repairman, noticing that the woman is blonde, decides to have a wee bit of fun. So he tells her that all she has to do is take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent pops itself out.

After 15 minutes of this, the blonde’s blonde friend comes

over and asks what she is doing.

“I’m trying to pop out this dent, but it’s not really working.”

“Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!”