Chapter 937

Québec Contractor...

Three contractors were bidding to fix a broken fence at an Ottawa property...

One is from Vancouver, another is from Toronto and the third is from Quebec. All three go with a Government official to examine the fence.

The Vancouver contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run you about $900... $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Toronto contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700... $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Quebec contractor doesn’t measure or figure anything, but leans over to the government official and whispers, “$2,700.”

The official, incredulous, says, “But you didn’t even measure like the other guys! And how did you come up with such a high figure?” The Quebec contractor whispers back, “$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Toronto to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how Quebec Government contracting works.

This is compliments of Joe S.

Why Teachers Go Gray

These are reported to be actual test answers from various schools in the Huntsville, Alabama metropolitan area:

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Cesarean Section.”
A: The cesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Use the word “judicious” in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.