Chapter 933

Dear Mr. Murphy,

We are pleased to inform you that the biopsy of the red area on your penis shows it was not cancerous.

It was lipstick.

We deeply regret the amputation.

Men!

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange.

So she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to the DNA test results, this is not our kid.

Husband: Well you don’t remember, do you??

When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had pooped.

You said: Please go change the baby; I’ll wait for you here.

So I went inside, left the dirty one there and got a clean one.

Moral:

Never give a man a job that doesn’t belong to him!!

This one is compliments of J & B

Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up.

She said she wanted to be Prime Minister someday. Both of her parents, Liberal Party members, were standing there so I asked her, “If you were Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do?”

She replied... “I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.” Her parents beamed with pride!

“Wow ... what a worthy goal!” I said...”But you don’t have to wait until you’re Prime Minister to do that!”

“What do you mean?” she replied.

So I told her, “You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I’ll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.”

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?”

I said, “Welcome to the ... Party.”

Her parents aren’t speaking to me anymore.

If you know any ... that would get a chuckle out of this, share it with them.

Most ... will just delete it, I guess the logic escapes them...