Chapter 920

“10 Minutes Late”

So, there are three golfers, (Bob, Max and Ted) who are looking for a fourth.

Bob mentions that his friend George is a pretty good golfer, so they decide to invite him for the following Saturday.

“Sure, I’d love to play,” says George, “but I may be about ten minutes late, so wait for me.”

So Saturday rolls around. Bob, Max, and Ted arrive promptly at 9:00 and find George already waiting for them. He plays right-handed and beats them all.

Quite pleased with their new fourth, they ask him if he’d like to play again the following Saturday.

“Yeah, sounds great,” says George. “But I maybe about ten minutes late, so wait for me.”

The following Saturday, again, all four golfers show up on time, but this time George plays left-handed and beats them all. So they’re getting ready to leave, George says, “See you next Saturday, but I may be about ten minutes late, so wait for me.”

Every week, George is right on time and plays great with whichever hand he decides to use. And every week, he departs with the same message.

After a couple months, Ted is pretty tired of this routine, so he says, “Wait a minute, George. Every week you say you may be about ten minutes late, but you’re right on time. You beat us either left-handed or right-handed. What’s the story?”

“Well,” George says, “I’m kind of superstitious. When I get up in the morning, I look at my wife. If she’s sleeping on her left side, I play left-handed, and if she’s sleeping on her right side, I play right-handed.”

“So what do you do if she’s sleeping on her back?” Bob asks.

“Well ... That’s when I’m about ten minutes late.”

A Golfers Love Story

An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said, “Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons?’”

Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage.

Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”

Martha asked, “And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge...”

“I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

“All right!!!”

“Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?”

Burglary in Florida...

Sometimes things that really happen are funnier than stuff made up:

When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich’s house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch. What they did take, however, was a white box filled with a grayish-white powder. (That’s the way the police report described it.) A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said that it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they’d probably thought they’d hit the big time. Later, Nathan stood in front of numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: “Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago.” The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan’s doorstep. The white box was there

too; about half of Gertrude’s ashes remained.

Scotch taped to the box was this note which said: “Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day.”

And you thought California was the land of fruits and nuts.