Chapter 916

Dr. Bumbutu

A flat-chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Bumbutu in Africa could enlarge your breasts without surgery. So she decided to go to Dr. Bumbutu to see if he could help her.

Dr. Bumbutu advised her, ‘Every day after your shower, rub your chest and chant, ‘Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!’

She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew a terrific D-cup rack!

One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, ‘Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.’

A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked ‘ Are you a patient of Dr.Bumbutu?’

Yes I am ... How did you know?’

He winked and whispered, ‘ Hickory dickory dock’...

English - brilliant!

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen? If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and there would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let’s face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing,

Grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, What do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship ... We have noses that run and feet that smell. We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway. And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language In which your house can burn up as it burns down, In which you fill in a form by filling it out, And in which an alarm goes off by going on. And in closing...

If Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop.??? HAVE A GREAT DAY!

“Heal the Sick”

A middle aged couple is watching TV when a TV Evangelist comes on and promises to heal the sick.

“If only you would pray with him and place your right hand in the air and place your left hand on the afflicted area.”

So the man places his right hand in the air and his left hand on his crotch. His wife says, “Gee Honey. He said heal the sick, not raise the dead.”

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

This is the cleanest E-mail joke I’ve come across in a long while!

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her Husband standing around with a fly swatter

“What are you doing?” She asked.

“Hunting Flies” He responded.

“Oh.! Killing any?” She asked.

“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell them apart?”

He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.