Chapter 914

This is compliments of J & B

A women and here five year old son were walking down the street when they met a pregnant woman. After she had gone by the little boy asked his mother why the woman had a big stomach.

The mother did not want to get into conception at his age and side stepped the issue by saying she had swallowed a watermelon. The little boy knew what watermelons looked like and figured that sounds right.

A short time later, they meet another very pregnant woman. As they meet the little boy points at her stomach and screams at the woman “I KNOW WHAT YOU’VE BEEN DOING”.

These are compliments of Mario...

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.

In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.

In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.

Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean!

A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things.

Finally, the subject of sex comes up. “Just how do you guys do it?” asked the Earthling.

“Pretty much the way you do,” responded the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. The female Earthling and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He’s got only a teeny, weeny member; very short and very narrow.

“What can you do with THAT!?” exclaims the woman.

“Why?” he asked, “What’s the matter?”

“Well,” she replied, “it’s nowhere near long enough. It’ll never reach!”

“No problem,” he said and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grew until it was quite impressively long.

“Well,” she said. “That’s quite impressive, but it’s still pretty narrow.”

“No problem,” he said again and started pulling his ears. With each pull his member grew wider and wider until the entire measurement was extremely exciting to the woman.

“Wow!” she exclaimed as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoined their normal partners and went off together. As they walked along the Earthling male said, “Well, was it any good?”

“I hate to say it,” she said, “but it was really wonderful. How about you?”

“Well,” he said, “It was the weirdest thing. She kept slapping me on the forehead and pulling my ears all night.”

After years of doubt I’m now convinced my wife is having an affair.

We’ve moved 250 miles north and we’ve still got the same window cleaner.

My neighbour just walked past with two dogs. I said to him, “I didn’t know you had any dogs?”

He replied, “They’re not my dogs, they’re my sisters.”

I said, “Wow, your sisters are really fucking ugly.”

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa - half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe - well-developed and open to trade, especially

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain - very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece & gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all-conquering past...

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel - has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada - cool, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet - wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages ... an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 8 and 80, a man is like Iran - ruled by a couple of nuts

THE END!