Chapter 913

This one is compliments of Capt. Zapp

A man is hiking through the woods when he hears a female voice calling for help. Eventually he finds a naked woman tied to a tree. While she was dirty and covered in cuts and scratches, he could tell she was quite attractive.

“Gee Lady, what happened to you?”

The lady sobs and tells her story. “I was having sex with my boyfriend when my husband came home early and caught us. He threw both of us out the window naked and I landed in the rose bushes. I got out and ran down the street and got picked up by a man who forced me to give him a blowjob. He put me out on the side of the road where a biker gang found me. They brought me here and tied me up and they all had their way with me. When they were finished they just got on their bikes and rode away and left me here.”

The man smiled as he undid his pants. “Gee lady, it looks like it’s just not your day.”

These are compliments of Nav:

Yah I know a few are repeats. Enjoy

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying: “NERDS NOT ALLOWED - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!” He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, and asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don’t even need a license, he said. So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can’t let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, “What’s wrong? I thought nerds were in season.” “Well, sure,” said the patrolman, “But you can’t bait ‘em.”