Chapter 911 Happy July 4th

This group is compliments of Uncle Podger

God’s Problem

Now: His wife’s graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little, old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, “Well, she’s there.”

Are You a Pilot?

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked,

Are you a real pilot?

He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans ... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I’ve taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked:

“Are you a real pilot?”

He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.’

Lemon Picker

Sally Mullihan of Coral Springs, Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.

Sally applied for a job in a Florida lemon grove and seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and a school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?”

“Well, as a matter of fact, I have,” she said: “I’ve been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers, I voted twice for Obama, and once for Hillary.”

She starts work in the morning.

Happy Hour

Four old retired men are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona, two were from Nebraska and two from Iowa. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents.” They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, “Come on in and let me pour one for you! What’ll it be, gentlemen?”

There’s a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, “That’ll be 10 cents each, please.”

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.