Chapter 909

Compliments of Earl J.

I went out with a girl last night, that I thought that I could trust...

BUT as we walked home, I said with a groan: “I must kiss your lips or bust!”

Do you know what she did, do you know what she said, to preserve her maidenly vows!!!

She said, “We’ll make it the lips tonight, ‘cause I’m wearing a high necked blouse.”

These are compliments of Allan B.

What do they serve at a Black-Korean fusion restaurant?
Seoul food...

What is the term for Roman Epilepsy?
Julius Seizure.

Why is it painful to rent a car?
Because it Hertz

There’s the German Communist newspaper for cats.
It’s called the Meow Zeitung

Men who like cats are better to their wives than men who like dogs.
Consider the reaction to calling your wife or girlfriend ‘kitten’ or ‘pussycat’, compared to calling her ‘bitch’.

A man goes to the clinic and makes an appointment with an ophthalmologist and an urologist. The nurse asked, “Why do you need them both?”
He replied, “Either I’ve gone color-blind, or my piss has turned blue”.

These are compliments of Uncle Podger

Women’s Revenge

‘Cash, check or charge?’ I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

‘So, do you always carry your TV remote?’ I asked.

‘No, ‘ she replied, ‘but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.’

Wife vs. Husband

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, ‘Relatives of yours?’

‘Yep, ‘ the wife replied, ‘in-laws’

Who Does What

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, ‘You should do it because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, ‘You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.’

Wife replies, ‘No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.’

Husband replies, ‘I can’t believe that, show me.’

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ‘HEBREWS’

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, ‘Please wake me at 5:00 AM.’ He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.’

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

REMEMBER...

“POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN, AND FOR THE SAME REASON”.