Chapter 906

Condom use on an aircraft

A man and a woman are seated next to each other on a flight. They start Eyeing each other and both realize they want to do the same thing. He slips a condom out of his pocket, and she looks delighted.

Rear toilet? He suggests.

Five minutes, she agrees and goes off. He waits five minutes, then goes and slips in there with her.

Right, get that condom on, she says. Soon, they are both sighing with pleasure.

But a sharp eyed stewardess has noticed them, and realized what they are up to, So, she humiliates them by making an announcement over the PA system.

“To the lady and gentleman in the rear toilet, we know what you are doing, and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations. Now, please put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector.”

And what were you thinking?

I worry about you sometimes!

For ALL You Golfers

One morning, three women are golfing when suddenly a man runs by wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

As he passes by the first woman, she looks down and says, “Well he’s certainly not my husband”. As he passes the second woman, she also glances downwards and says “He’s not mine either”.

Then he passes by the third woman who also checks out his lower parts and says, “Wait a minute ... he’s not even a member of this club!”

Let this be a lesson to us all ... if you can figure out which lesson should be to us all!!!! A couple of valuable lessons here...

Socrates

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?”

“Wait a moment,” Socrates replied, “Before you tell me I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”

“Triple filter?” asked the acquaintance.

“That’s right,” Socrates continued, “Before you talk to me about Diogenes let’s take a moment to filter what you’re going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No,” the man said, “Actually I just heard about it.”

“All right,” said Socrates, “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?”

“No, on the contrary...”

“So,” Socrates continued, “You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you’re not certain it’s true?”

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, “You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really.”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?”

The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was banging his wife.