Chapter 903

Blond/blonde jokes

Two blondes were riding up in an elevator. Long before reaching their floor the elevator stopped and a really great looking guy got on. He smiled at the blondes and reached over and hit the button for the next floor. Then he stood and admired the scenery as the elevator went up. When the door opened behind him he smiled at the blondes, turned and went out the door. When he turned to leave the blondes saw a large number of dandruff flakes down his back.

The first blonde turned to the second and went “Eeewwweue!”

The second blonde said “That’s okay. If I can get him home I’ll give him Head and Shoulders.”

The first blonde looked at the second and asked “How do you give shoulders?”

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher asked them why they were arguing and the first boy said:

“We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever can tell the biggest lie.”

“You should be ashamed of yourselves” the teacher said. “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”

The two boys looked at each other, nodded and then gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of the building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said:

“Corned beef and cabbage. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building.”

The Mexican opened his lunch box again and exclaimed “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump too.”

The blond guy opened his lunch and said “Bologna again! If I get one more bologna sandwich one more time I’m also going to jump.”

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and leaped off the scaffold. The blond guy opened his lunch, saw bologna again and leaped to his death also.

At the funeral the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again.”

The Mexican’s wife also wept and said “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burrito’s so much.”

Everyone turned and looked at the blond guy’s wife and she said “Don’t look at me. He packed his own lunch.”

What do you call a blond guy with an IQ of 35? Gifted.

Why don’t blond guys eat more M & M’s? They are too hard to peel.

What is the difference between a blond guy and government bonds? Bonds mature.

What do blond guys and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.

A woman calls her husband at work in hysteria and screams “There’s a smell of gas all through the house!”

He tells her, “Calm down, don’t panic. Sit down in the kitchen and have a cigarette while I think of something.”

An old guy goes to a urologist. The urologist asks him, “What’s the problem?”

“I can’t pee” says the old guy.

“How old are you?” asks the doctor.

“I’m 93” he replies.

The doctor says, “You’ve peed enough.”