Chapter 901

The following is not politically correct Please don’t read through your rose colored glasses.

Compliments of pigs41‎

Nearly shagged a Ladyboy last night.

Picked him up in a night club. He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman. Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement... ! That’s when I thought “Wait a f’ing minute...”

In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath. Answer; throw in your washing.

We were all having a good laugh about this, when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said “I don’t find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits...”

I said “Sorry mate. Did he drown?”

“No,” he said, “he choked on a sock.”

The wife came out of the bathroom and said “I have just shaved my bits and you know what that means don’t you?”

I said “Yeah, the bloody plug hole is blocked again.”

An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was not used to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty handed.

“Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?” demanded the Grand Emir.

“A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One,” stammered the wretched Abdul, “A man is sitting on the well.”

This is compliments of editor7

How Moses Got the 10 Commandments

God went to the Arabs and said, ‘I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.’

The Arabs asked, ‘What are Commandments?’

And the Lord said, ‘They are rules for living.’

‘Can you give us an example?’

‘Thou shalt not kill.’

‘Not kill? We’re not interested.’

So He went to the Blacks and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, ‘Honor thy Father and Mother.’

‘Father? We don’t know who our fathers are. We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said ‘Thou shalt not steal.’

‘Not steal? We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the French and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery.’

‘Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We’re not interested.’

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, ‘I have Commandments... ‘

‘Commandments?’ They said, ‘How much are they?’

‘They’re free.’

‘We’ll take 10.’

There. That, should piss off just about everybody...