Chapter 9

The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.]

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'

When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class...

A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'

But Susie didn't stir from her slumber...

Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.

And the Nun once again said, 'Very good, ' and Susie fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question... 'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted

Typical Newfie Wedding

This fight breaks out at a Newfie wedding. Chairs are flying and women are crying.

The police show up and arrest all the men involved in the scuffle.

They all are brought to the court house and all you can hear is chatter.

"Order in my court", screams the judge. "Can someone come up and please explain what happened?"

Johnny speaks up, "Well you sees judge, at a Newfie wedding its tradition for the first mate to have a dance with the bride.

So I gets up there and I'm dancing with the bride. She was grinding up on me you see and Tommy the groom didn't take kindly to that."

So Tommy walks up and kicks her right in the pussy!!!"

"Right in the pussy?" The judge cringes as he says, "That must have hurt."

Johnny says, "Hurt!!?? Broke three of me fingers!!!"

You're An EXTREME Redneck When...

1 You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2 The Black Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3 You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4 You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5 You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6 Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

7 You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8 Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9 Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.