Chapter 898

Two very active seniors Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in The Villages are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?” The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “How about suppositories and medicine for impotence?”

Pharmacist: “You bet!”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer’s?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”

Pharmacist: “We sure do.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”

Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”

Jacob: “Adult diapers?”

Pharmacist: “Sure, how can I help you?”

Jacob: “We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry. J

This one is compliments of J & B:

HOW TO REMOVE GRUMPINESS No matter how GRUMPY you may be right now, this should change your mood PS: Don’t forget to read the text at the end of this tale.

TEN (10) THINGS I KNOW ABOUT YOU 1) You are reading this. 2) You are human. 3) You can’t say the letter ‘‘P’’ without separating your lips. 4) You just attempted to do it. 6) You are laughing at yourself. 7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5. 8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5. 9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.

10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it. You have received this e-mail because I didn’t want to be alone in the idiot category. Have a great Day. Laugh, and then Laugh and sing It’s a Beautiful Morning even when it’s not.

“Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.”

Compliments of Smokey Joe:

Part 2 of lern yerself Oz

E Earbashing : nagging, non-stop chatter

Ekka : the Brisbane Exhibition, an annual show

Esky : large insulated food/drink container for picnics, barbecues etc.

Exy : expensive

F Face, off one’s : drunk (“He was off his face by 9pm”)

Fair dinkum : true, genuine

Fair go : a chance (“give a bloke a fair go”)

Fair suck of the sav! : exclamation of wonder, awe, disbelief (see also “sav”)

Fairy floss : candy floss, cotton candy

Feral : V8 ute (q.v.) sporting large heavy bullbar, numerous aerials, large truck mudflaps and stickers almost all over the rear window and tailgate. Sometimes seen with a Mack emblem on the bonnet and always with large (multiple) driving lights

Feral (n.) : a hippie

Figjam : “Fuck I’m good; just ask me”. Nickname for people who have a high opinion of themselves.

Fisho : fishmonger

Flake : shark’s flesh (sold in fish & chips shops)

Flat out like a lizard drinking : flat out, busy

Flick : to give something or somebody the flick is to get rid of it or him/her

Flick it on : to sell something, usually for a quick profit, soon after buying it.

Fly wire : gauze flyscreen covering a window or doorway.

Footy : Australian Rules football

Fossick : search, rummage (“fossicking through the kitchen drawers”)

Fossick : to prospect, e.g. for gold

Fossicker : prospector, e.g. for gold