Chapter 897

These are compliments of Allan B

A man buys a cemetery plot for his mother-in-law for her birthday. The following year, he didn’t buy her anything. When she complained to him about that he asked her, “What’s the problem? You didn’t use what I got you last year...”

What is the term for two 25 lb. cats fighting? Sumeow wrestling.

A drunk was at a cocktail party, goes up to the hostess and slurs “Do lemons have feathers?” She asks, “I beg your pardon.” He repeats, “Do lemons have feathers?” She replies, “No, I don’t think so.” He says, “Well in that case, I’ve just squeezed your canary into my drink.”

I danced like no one was watching. But someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance.

Enjoying music is like eating candy: The first thing you do is throw away the rapper...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Tina and Diane were discussing their summer vacation plans. “My Freddie said that he’d pay for a boobjob as a present.” gushed Tina. “That’s great”, offered Diane. “I was thinking of having my asshole bleached.” Perplexed, Tina remarked, “I just can’t picture your husband as a blond.”

Following a visit to the neighborhood tavern, Mark arrived home and was immediately confronted by his irate wife. “You son of a bitch”, she screamed, How DARE you come home half drunk?” The lush replied, “It’s not my fault, dear. I ran out of money.”

Just before Valentine’s Day, a sorry old bag decided to buy some crotchless panties so she could wear them as a surprise for her husband.

In the morning, when hubby finally dragged his ass out of bed, and went downstairs for breakfast, wifey was lying on the table. Spreading her withered legs, she crowed, “See anything you like?”

Trying not to puke, the graybeard choked out, “Why would I want any of THAT? Look at what it did to your panties!”

Compliments of Rhomanov

Another version from Chapter 896

One bright day in the middle of the night Two dead brothers got up to fight Back to back they faced each other Drew their swords and shot each other A deaf policeman heard the noise He then shot and killed those two dead boys If you believe my tale is not true Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.