Chapter 894

Thank Allan B for the following:

What’s long and hard & has cum in it?
A cucumber...

What is 6.9?
A great thing, ruined by a period.

Then there was the couple who went to group therapy. The therapist said, “You all should know what your wife’s favorite flower is.” The husband leaned over to his wife and whispered, “Pillsbury, isn’t it?”

A cop arrested a speeder and brought him to the lockup.
The driver said, “But...”
The cop said, “Don’t talk to me, talk to the chief when he gets in.”
The driver says, “But I...”
The cop says, “I’m not talking to you. Talk to the chief.”
5 hours later, the cop checks on the cell and says to the guy, “Don’t worry, the chief is marrying off his daughter today. He’ll be in a good mood.”
The guy says, “Don’t be too sure. I’m the groom.”

What do you call a white bear that has sex with both male and female bears?
Bi-polar.

Why are tennis players such bad paramours?
Because for them, Love is nothing...

These are compliments of J & B. Yes they could be repeats but they funny, read them again...

Blonde Men...

Well FINALLY, it just had to come to this sooner or later!

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?”

He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do ... it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”

A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.

It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND”.

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”

“Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor.

“No!” he shouts, “this is her husband!”

A blonde man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.

“Just WHAT are you doing?” he asks.

“Hanging myself,” the blonde replies.

“The rope should be around your neck” says the guard.

“I tried that,” he replies, “but then I couldn’t breathe.”

An Italian tourist asks a blonde man:

“Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”

To which the blonde man replies: “If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.”

A friend told the blonde man: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.”

The blonde man then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”

Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.

One asked: “What if one explodes before we get there?”

The other says: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: “Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”

To which the blonde man replied: “Well the joke’s on all of you because I wasn’t even at home yesterday!

Global Facts About Sex

At Any Given Moment

FACT: 79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now!

FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.

FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

FACT: 1 elderly person is reading emails.

You hang in there, Sunshine...