Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 892
This one is compliments of Al
AN ACTUAL CRAIG’S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2017-01-17, 1:43 AM EST.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I’d like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn’t expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket ... The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911.45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. You obviously agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn’t it?!
I know it probably wasn’t fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with crap in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse walking barefooted since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).
After I called your mother or ‘Momma’ as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you’d done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people at the gas station -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink ‘pimp mobile’ that was parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window, and keyed the entire driver’s side of the car.
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Trump as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
To read the complete story you need to be logged in:
Log In or
Register for a Free account
(Why register?)
* Allows you 3 stories to read in 24 hours.