Chapter 878

A few Interesting thoughts;

Signs on storefronts’

No senior citizen discounts! You had twice as long to get the money.

No we do not have WiFi, talk to each other!

Push if that doesn’t work, pull if that doesn’t work, we must be closed.

Teach your kids about taxes eat 30% of their ice cream.

Today’s offer by any two drinks and pay for them both...

Alcohol may not solve your problems but neither will water or milk.

Respect your parents they passed school without Google.

Growing old is hard work ... the mind says yes, the body says what the hell are you thinking?

Kids today don’t know how easy they have it when I was young I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

You know you’re getting old you can’t walk past the bathroom without thinking, I may as well pee while I am here.

Remember when you could refer to your knees is right and left? Instead of good and bad. Good times ha ha!

This one is compliments of Attila

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.

So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said,

“I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.

Did you mean 2.5 gallons?”

The blonde said,

“No, I want 25 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.”

The milkman asked, “Do you want it pasteurized?”

The blonde said,

“No, just up to my tits ... I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!”

These are compliments of Allan B.

Why do gorillas have such large nostrils?
Because they have such large fingers.

The doctor said, “The test results are back. You’re very overweight”.
The man said, “That runs in my family”.
The doctor replied, “NOTHING runs in your family”.

A blonde goes into a pizzeria and orders a family-sized pizza.
The pizza guy asks, “Do you want it cut into 6 pieces or 8?”
She replies, “6 pieces, I’m sure I couldn’t finish 8.”

What day most annoys senile people?
Memorial Day.

Several unmarried women were discussing “Where are all the handsome, caring, sensitive men?”
The conclusion? They all have boyfriends.