Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 877
Thought you would enjoy seeing comments relating to United after the doc. was rejected from his flight:
New United Airlines Mottos:
“Drag and Drop”
“We put the hospital in hospitality”
“Board as a doctor, leave as a patient”
“Our prices can’t be beaten, but our passengers can”
“We have First Class, Business Class and No Class”
“Not enough seating, prepare for a beating”
“We treat you like we treat your luggage”
“We beat the customer. Not the competition”
“And you thought leg room was an issue”
“Where voluntary is mandatory”
“Fight or flight. We decide”
“Now offering one free carry off”
“Beating random customers since 2017”
“If our staff needs a seat, we’ll drag you out by your feet”
“A bloody good airline”
Some random thoughts...
Did you know that there are more airplanes in the ocean, than submarines in the sky? Do not touch must be one of the scariest things to read in Braille.
Arguing with a woman just like reading a software license agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click I agree.
People say love is the best feeling. I think finding a toilet when you are having to diarrhea is better.
The moment when your steak is on the grill, and you can already feel your mouth watering. Do you think vegans feel the same when mowing the lawn?
A fortune teller tells a woman “your husband will meet a violent end”. To which the woman replies “Will I be convicted?”
Sometimes getting out of bed just ruins the whole day.
Don’t wear headphone while vacuuming. I’ve just finished the whole house before realizing the vacuum wasn’t plugged in.
It’s okay if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
How’s your day if it’s good you’ll need wine to celebrate! If it’s bad you’ll need wine to feel better!
Never walk a mile in my shoes. You will just end up drunk, lost and looking for your shoes.
If a woman says do what you want. Do not do what want, standstill. Do not blink. Don’t even agree. Just play dead.
Yes officer, I didn’t see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you!
This group is compliments of Alan B.
Still more hand-picked lousy humor...
Why is a woman like a condom? Because both spend more time in your wallet than on your penis.
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