Chapter 872

These are compliments of J & B

United is going to take a beating over this one, no pun intended.

New slogans for United Airlines

• We have First Class, Business Class, and No Class.

• Our prices can’t be beaten ... but our passengers can.

• We put the hospital in hospitality.

• We beat our passengers, not the competition.

• We have an offer you can’t refuse. No, really.

• Board as a doctor, leave as a patient.

• Not enough seating? Prepare for a beating.

• And you thought legroom was an issue.

• Proudly offering Admiral’s Club, Captain’s Club, and Fight Club.

• If our staff needs a seat, we’ll drag you out by your feet.

• Good news: We’re serving free meals again. Bad news: It’s a knuckle sandwich.

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• We treat you like we treat your luggage.

• Fight or flight.

• You may have patients, but we don’t have patience.

• We have red-eye and black-eye flights available.

• We’ll even hit a guy with glasses.

• Now serving free punch.

Wisdom of Wine

Every time I see the dirty word exercise I have to wash my mouth out with wine and chocolate.

A pessimist says “my glass is half empty”. a optimist says “my glass is half full”. A realist says “my glass needs a refill.”

“Warning” the consumption of wine might cause you to think you could sing.

As the wife guzzled my bottle of wine, the husband says “I’m not sure that’s what they mean by now we reduce the wine.”