Chapter 87

This joke makes sense if you live in Ontario Canada

A platoon of soldiers was marching north of Kandahar when they came upon an Afghani terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was a Canadian soldier in a similar but less serious state.

The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the Platoon Leader asked the injured Canadian what had happened.

The soldier reported, 'I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Ayman Zawahiri (leader of Al-Qaeda) was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved.

He yelled back that Justin Trudeau is a privileged, bureaucratic dreamer, unrealistic, good-for-nothing, left wing dickhead who knows Bugger all about running a country.

'So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dressed and acted like a frigid, mean-spirited Camel humping lesbian!'

He retaliated by yelling, 'Oh yeah? Well, so does Kathleen Wynne!'

'And, then there we were, in the middle of the road, laughing, shaking hands, ... when a truck hit us.'

A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast. To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.

Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, 'E-G-G'...

'Very good', says the teacher.

Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'.

'Excellent.'

Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him. 'I had fuck all', he says, 'F-U-C-K A-L-L'.

The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.

Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.

Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada.

Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada's east coast.

When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.

'Johnny, ' she asks, 'Where is the Newfoundland border?'

Johnny ponders the question and finally says, 'The Newfoundland boarder is in bed with my mother. That's why I got fuck all for breakfast'.

This one is compliments of RabbiRabbit

So touching! And you say men don't have feelings!!

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met."

She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16," he says solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears.

"Yes, I do," she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?'"

"I remember that, too," she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."