Chapter 863

These are compliments of J & B

Gandhi ... A lovely little anecdote about one of life’s more interesting characters:

When Mahatma Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, a professor by the name of Peters disliked him intensely and always displayed animosity towards him. And because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him, as he expected, there were always “arguments” and confrontations.

One day Mr. Peters was having lunch at the University dining room when Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to him. The professor said,”Mr Gandhi, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat.” Gandhi looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, “You do not worry, professor. I’ll fly away” and he went and sat at another table.

Peters, red with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test paper, but Gandhi responded brilliantly to all questions. Unhappy and frustrated, Mr. Peters asked him the following question: “Mr Gandhi, if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?” Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, “The one with the money, of course.” Mr Peters, smiling sarcastically, said, “I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom.” Gandhi shrugged indifferently and responded, “Each one takes what he doesn’t have.”

Mr Peters, by this time, was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Gandhi’s exam sheet the word “Idiot” and handed it back to him.

Gandhi took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk, trying hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move. A few minutes later, Gandhi got up, went to the professor and said to him in a dignified but sarcastically polite tone, “Mr. Peters, you autographed the sheet, but you did not give me a grade.”

Brian and Jan were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they carefully watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to Jan’s insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn’t help when they went on a vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, ‘Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.’

Brian asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. ‘Why, nothing, ‘ Peter replied, ‘remember, this is your reward in Heaven.’

Brian looked out the window and right there he saw a champion-ship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth...

‘What are the greens fees?, ‘ grumbled Brian... ‘This is heaven, ‘ St. Peter replied. ‘You can play for free, every day.’

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch. ‘Don’t even ask, ‘ said St. Peter to Brian. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.’

Brian looked around and nervously asked Jan’Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?’

‘That’s the best part, ‘ St. Peter replied. ‘You can eat and drink as much as you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!’

‘No gym to work out at?’ said Brian

‘Not unless you want to, ‘ was the answer.

‘No testing my sugar or blood pressure or... ‘

‘Never again’

Brian glared at Jan and said, ‘You and your F****kin Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!’