Chapter 860

This one is compliments of Pepere

A Jewish bookie was at the races playing the ponies and losing his shirt.

He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse - a long shot - won the race.

Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track.

Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.

The bookie made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race. He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next.

He bet big on it, and it won.

As the races continued the Priest kept blessing horses, and each one ended up winning.

The bookie was elated.

He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited for the Priest’s next blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was 100/1.

This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.

The bookie knew he had a winner and bet every cent he had on the old nag.

He watched dumbfounded as the old nag pulled up and couldn’t even finish the race.

In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was standing.

Confronting him, he exclaimed, “Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed never even had a chance. Now, thanks to you I’ve lost all my money!”

The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. “You aren’t Catholic are you my son?”

“No, I’m Jewish.”

“That’s the problem”, said the Priest, “you couldn’t tell the difference between a blessing and last rites.”

This one is compliments of J & B

Farmer Steve, had been in a terrible automobile accident. He was hurt quite badly. He sued the trucking company that had struck his vehicle and injured him.

The case was taken to trial, and Farmer Steve was on the stand to testify.

The plaintiffs’ attorney asked Farmer Steve “if he had said that he was not injured?”

Farmer Steve, replied,” I had to load my pet donkey in the back of the truck.”

“I said did you not tell the highway patrolman that you were just fine?”

“well as I said, I was--”

The plaintiffs’ attorney said “I asked you if you said were not injured, please answer the question.”

Farmer Steve said “well after I loaded my donkey Susan on the truck, I got in the truck started to drive to town.”

The attorney said:” answer the question.”

The judge said “I would like to hear what he is trying to say.”

Farmer Steve continued. “Well I was driving along the road and this big tractor-trailer blew through a stop sign at a high speed and hit my truck knocking it into the ditch. Susan was thrown into a ditch on the other side of the road. I lay there in great pain. I can hear Suzy crying in pain. A highway patrolman came, and went over to Suzy and pulled his gun and shot her between eyes. He then came over to me and said your donkey was in great pain so I shot her to put her out of her misery. Are you hurt? Now I ask you, what the hell would you say.”