Chapter 859

This one is compliments of Joe S.

A father had three teenage daughters and tonight they were each going out on their first date.

To convey the right impression, the concerned father decided carry his shotgun when he met each young man at the door.

The first date arrived and said, “Hi! My name is Joe. I came for Flo. We’re going to the show, is she ready to go?”

The father decided Joe was OK and the couple left.

The second young man knocked and said, “Hi! My name is Eddie. I came for Betty. We’re going for spaghetti. Is she ready?”

Eddie passed the father’s inspection and he and Betty left.

The third young man came to the door and said, “Hi! My name is Chuck...” and the father shot him.

This little ditties are compliments of J & B

A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER THAT READ:

we will heel you we will save your sole We will even dye for you.

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”;

In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”;

On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels

At an Optometrist’s Office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, You’ve come to the right place.”;

On a Plumber’s truck : “We repair what your husband fixed.”;

On another Plumber’s truck: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”;

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee : “Invite us to your next blowout.”;

On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”;

In a Non-smoking Area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”;

On a Maternity Room door: “Push. Push. Push.”;

At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”;

Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”;

In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit ... Stay”;

At the Electric Company: “We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don’t, YOU will be de-lighted.”;

In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”;

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”;

At a Propane Filling Station: “Thank Heaven for little grills.”;

In a Chicago Radiator Shop: “Best place in town to take a leak...”;

And the best one for last... ; Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

“Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises»

Left Wallet at Home

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.”