Chapter 836

These compliments of Smokeyjoe from the Land Down Under

Things to do on an Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer
Inside and ask “Got enough air in there?”

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner
facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain
to yank the doors open, then act as if you’re
embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask
him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then
announce in horror: “You’re one of THEM” -
and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY “I wonder what all these do?” And push
all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a
button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a
while, then announce: “I have new socks on.”

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and
ask: “Is that your beeper?”

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency
phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk
and announce to the other passengers: “This is
my personal space.”

14) WHEN there’s only one other person in the
elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend
it wasn’t you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a
shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other
people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you’re waiting
for your friend. After a while, let the doors
close and say “Hi Greg, How’s your day
been?”

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to
help pick it up, then scream: “That’s mine!”

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone
in the lift.

20) PRETEND you’re a flight attendant and review
emergency procedures and exits with the
Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don’t exist.

22) CALL out “Group hug” then enforce it.

An old prospector...

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, ‘Hey old man, have you ever danced?’

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, ‘No, I never did dance, -- and just never wanted to.’ A crowd had gathered quickly and the gunslinger grinned and said, ‘Well, you old fool, you’re gonna’ dance now, ‘ and started shooting at the old man’s feet.