Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 835
These are compliments of a number of readers who forwarded them to me Via G-Mail
Wayyyyy back at the dawn of T.V. A man walked into an agent’s office for an audition, as he had a strong desire to be an actor.
He acted, he sang, he danced, he told jokes, and did pratfalls, after which the agent said.
“You’ve got a lot of talent. Whats your name?”
“Penis Van Lesbian, Sir.”
“Excuse me? What did you say?”
“Penis Van Lesbian”
“You CAN’T have a name like THAT in show business.” The agent replied.
“Penis Van Lesbian is a long respected name where I come from, and I will NOT change it!” As he stormed out the door in a huff.
The agent soon forgot the would be actor and went on about his business. 20 years later, he recieved an envelope in the mail, containing $10,000 and a note...
The note said,
“Dear Sir,
A long time ago you gave me some advice, and to my shame I walked out on you. I soon learned that you were right, and I changed my name and actually became fairly successful.
I regret not taking your advice when offered. Since it worked well enough, I have enclosed what I believe would have been your commission.
Sincerely,
Wait for it...
Dick Van Dyke
Three Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, “However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven.”
The first guy comes up to the gate and says, “I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her.” So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.
The next man comes up and says, “I cheated on my wife a little but I still love her.” He gets a mustang and drives off into heaven.
The next guy came up and said, “I cheated on my wife a lot.” He gets a scooter.
Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying.
He asked, “Why are you crying you have such a nice car?” and the man sobbed, “My wife just went by on roller skates.”
Phone Operator: “G’day mate ... Helpline here ... What’s the
problem?”
Customer: “I’m in the Outback with the girlfriend and she’s been stung
on her thigh by a hornet and now her vagina has completely closed up!”
Australian Telephone Operator: “Bummer!”
Customer: “Great advice! Thanks mate, bye.”
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