Chapter 834

A FARMER’S LOGIC ... A True Newfoundland Story ... You know there are so many TV channels, each one starved for new programs. In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer, from Newfoundland who might have some theories on the matter. This “TRUE” interview went as follows:

The lady reporter: “I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?”

The farmer stared at the reporter and said? “Did you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year”?

Reporter: (obviously embarrassed): “Well, sir, that’s a new piece of information but what’s the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?”

Farmer: “Miss, did you know that we milk a cow twice a day?”

Reporter: “Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?”

Farmer: “I am getting to the point, Miss.” “Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day ... and only screwing you once a year, wouldn’t you get mad?”

THE TV INTERVIEW WAS NEVER AIRED...

This one is compliments of J & B

REPENT O SCOTTISH SINNER...

There was a Scottish painter named Smokey Macgregor, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of their large building.

Smokey put in a bid, & because his price was so low, he got the job. So he set about erecting the scaffolding & setting up the planks & buying the paint & yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with water...

Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, & the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church, & knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned & useless paint.

Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees & cried:

“Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?”

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke...

(you’re going to love this)

“Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more.