Chapter 827

These are compliments of smokeyjoe117

Aussie Poem

The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o’clock
The cocky (Farm Worker) took off in his Ute (Work Truck), to go and check his stock.

He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs,
The float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams

He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank
And saw a ewe down in the dam, a few yards from the bank.

“Typical bloody sheep,” he thought, “they’ve got no common sense,
“They won’t go through a gateway but they’ll jump a bloody fence.”

The ewe was stuck down in the mud, he knew without a doubt
She’d stay there ‘til she carked (Died) it if he didn’t get her out.

But when he reached the water’s edge, the startled ewe broke free
And in her haste to get away, began a swimming spree.

He reckoned once her fleece was wet, the weight would drag her down
If he didn’t rescue her, the stupid sod would drown.

Her style was unimpressive, her survival chances slim
He saw no other option, he would have to take a swim.

He peeled his shirt and singlet off, his trousers, boots and socks
And as he couldn’t stand wet clothes, he also shed his jocks (Underwear).

He jumped into the water and away that cocky swam
He caught up with her, somewhere near the middle of the dam

The ewe was quite evasive, she kept giving him the slip
He tried to grab her sodden fleece but couldn’t get a grip.

At last he got her to the bank and stopped to catch his breath
She showed him little gratitude for saving her from death.

She took off like a Bondi (Beach Suburb of Sydney) tram around the other side
He swore next time he caught that ewe he’d hang her bloody hide.

Then round and round the dam they ran, although he felt quite puffed
He still thought he could run her down, she must be nearly stuffed.

The local stock rep came along, to pay a call that day.
He knew this bloke was on his own, his wife had gone away,

He didn’t really think he’d get fresh scones for morning tea
But neither was he ready for what he was soon to see.

He rubbed his eyes in disbelief at what came into view
For running down the catchment came this frantic-looking ewe.

And on her heels in hot pursuit and wearing not a stitch
The farmer yelling wildly “Come back here, you lousy bitch!”

The stock rep didn’t hang around, he took off in his car
The cocky’s reputation has been damaged near and far

So bear in mind the Work Safe rule when next you check your flocks
Spot the hazard, assess the risk, and always wear your jocks!

A Washington DC ‘airport ticket agent’ offers some examples of why the US is in so much trouble!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window.

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman’s (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Cape Town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, “I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts...”

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, “Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape Town is in South Africa...”

His response -- click...

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we booked. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that’s not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, ‘Don’t lie to me!, I looked on the map, and Florida is a very THIN state!!” (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife (Landra Reid) who asked, “Is it possible to see England from Canada?”

I said, “No.”

She said, “But they look so close on the map” (OMG, again!)