Chapter 821

These are More from Al B.

Mathematical terms;

Polygon: The parrot has escaped.
Geometry: What the apple throwers said to Dorothy and the scarecrow.
Graph: A German nobleman. The equivalent of a count.
Algebra: What a mermaid wears on the upper part of her body
Tangent: A guy who spent a lot of time in the sun.
Cosine: To enable someone to take out a loan or mortgage.
Octagon: Only squids are left.
Algorithm: What a former US vice president uses to dance.
Cardinal numbers: Numbers assigned to the players of a certain baseball team.
Factor: What Max did to Helena Rubenstein.
Hyperbola: When a mathematician boasts a lot.
Irrational numbers: What politicians use when they claim to balance the budget.
Paradox: Two MDs.
Venn Diagram: A pictorial description of walking holy men (Venn the saints come marching in... )
Axes: Used to chop wood.
Coefficient: Two things that work well together.
Abscissa: A collection of pus in a woman’s skin.
Bisect: A religious grouping which allows sexual intercourse with both men and women.
Concave: Where escaped prisoners hide out in the mountains.
Kite: Fraud involving checks.
Torus: A lot of bull...
Vertical: Causing dizziness.
Surface Area: Where the waitress will bring your food.

Why do the Pope and the Cardinals wear skullcaps (as do all Orthodox Jews)? Because when they reach that level in the Catholic hierarchy, they tell them the truth.

A Rabbi and a Priest were discussing professional advancement. The priest said that with qualified priests, they can become monsignors.
The rabbi asked, “And then what?”
“Well”, said the priest, “if they’re really qualified, they can become bishops.”
The rabbi asked, “And then what?”
The priest replied, “If they’re very qualified they can become archbishops.”
The rabbi asked, “And then what?”
The priest continued, “If they’re exceptionally qualified, they can become cardinals.”
And the rabbi asked, “And then what?”
The priest said, “If they’re uniquely qualified they can become Pope.”
And the rabbi asked, “And THEN what?”
The shocked priest asked the rabbi, “What do you mean, And THEN what? Do you think he can become God?”
“Well”, said the rabbi, “One of OUR boys made it...”

Two businessmen who had invested in the stock market were talking. One said, “Ever since I invested in the market, I sleep like a baby.” “Really?” said the other. “How do you do that?” “I wake up every hour and cry.”

A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that his penis has turned orange. The doctor looks at it and says, I haven’t ever seen anything like this before in my entire medical career. What do you do for a living? Do you work around any hazardous materials? The man says no. The doctor asks the man what he does all day. The man responds, Nothing. The doctor is really puzzled now and says, You can’t not do anything. What do you do at home all day? The man replies, Honestly, doc I, don’t do anything. I just sit around, watch porno flicks and eat Cheetos.

Dear Algebra, Please stop asking me to look for your X. She’s left you, and I don’t know Y.