Chapter 818

These are compliments of J & B

Two Rednecks, Larry and Doug, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.

Larry turns to Doug and says, “You know, I’m tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I’ll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes.”

Doug thinks it’s a good idea and the two leave.

The next day, Larry goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, history, and Logic.

“Logic?” Larry says. “What’s that?”

The dean says, “I’ll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?”

“Yeah.”

“Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard.”

“That’s true, I do have a yard.”

“I’m not done,” the dean says. “Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.”

“Yes, I do have a house.”

“And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.”

“Yes, I have a family.”

“I’m not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.”

“I am a heterosexual. That’s amazing; you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater.”

Excited to take the class now, Larry shakes the Dean’s hand and leaves to go meet Doug at the bar. He tells Doug about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

“Logic?” Doug says, “What’s that?”

Larry says, “I’ll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?”

“No.”

“Then you’re a queer.”

North Dakota Bank Robbery

A hooded robber burst into a North Dakota bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door, a brave North Dakota customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robber’s face.

The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him.

The robber instantly shot him also.

Everyone in the bank, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence. The robber yelled, “Well, did anyone else see my face?”

There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly too afraid to speak.

Then, one old Norwegian named Ole from North Dakota tentatively raised his hand and said, “My wife got a pretty good look at you.”